Lacrimosa
by Marvel-Tolkien Fangirl
Summary: The sun-god Atum's endless battles with the demon Chthon force him to make a horrific choice, which will have a devastating effect on his sister Freyja and many others around her. Part of the 'Shadows and Regrets' universe. Rated M for content. To be updated once a week.
1. Chapter 1

**Lacrimosa**

**Chapter One**

Atum fell to his knees, blood splattering onto the ground as he coughed. His chest ached and it was difficult to draw breath. His shoulders sagged and his heart beat wildly. Chthon had bested him. He was too weak to fight anymore. Atum gazed out beyond the mountains to a tiny village far below where the people slept, unaware that they were soon all to be destroyed. This was a peaceful world, the people unfit to be warriors. Chthon would kill them all.

The demon Elder God materialised behind Atum, his blackened, scorched presence blocking out the light of the sun. Atum prepared himself as a cold knife pressed to his throat.

"I never wanted to kill you, my son," Chthon said.

"I am not your son."

"Yes, you are. My darkness dwells in your heart. But never mind that, we have had this discussion a hundred times and we never resolve anything." The knife pressed harder to Atum's throat. "Let us instead talk of this world. It is a small, peaceful place, is it not? Did you wonder why I chose it?"

Atum's brow furrowed. "To draw me into your trap."

"Obviously!" Chthon sounded frustrated. "I thought that you were more intelligent than your mother!"

Rage surged through Atum. "Do not speak of Gaea-"

He cut off as the blade pierced his skin, a shallow cut that nonetheless bled.

"You think I raped her."

"You did."

"You think that you're better than me."

"I am."

Chthon was silent for a moment. "This world is so fragile. With a single thought I can destroy it forever. And you, because of the weakness of my dear sister, would count that as tragedy, would you not?"

Atum remained silent.

"Of course you would, there is no need to answer me. I am going to give you a chance to save this world, Atum. Your mother will be so proud of you for protecting these weak little people..." Chthon laughed. "I will leave this place wholly and completely, and all you have to do is one thing that I tell you. Well, I suppose it is more than one thing, but the culmination will only be one thing."

Atum's heart went cold with dread. His mouth was dry. "What do you want me to do, then?"

"Your sister Freyja is becoming as whorish as her mother."

Atum's heart stopped. "No," he whispered.

"I want you to teach her a lesson. That is what uncles and brothers do for their female relatives, is it not? Teach them how to behave themselves."

"No!"

"This is your choice, my son. Either "rape" your sister to show her what becomes of whores, or watch this world burn and her people die slowly." Chthon pulled the blade from his throat. "It's time to decide."

"No." It came out a whimper. Atum struggled to rise and renew his fight. He felt a definite clench in the air around him, and the ground at his knees cracked and bucked. The sky darkened. He sank to his knees again.

"Perhaps I will have to teach the whore a lesson myself, then."

Atum roared, surging to his feet. Chthon kicked his knees out from under him, cuffed him on the head. The demon kicked him in the face, flipped him over, and stepped on his throat.

"Be cold," Chthon advised. "But should you choose to save this world, I will need proof that the deed is done... In fact, I shall have to oversee her chastisement. To ensure her reproofment is done _properly_."

Atum thought he was going to be sick. "Some day, I am going to kill you."

"Not today. Today, you will choose; this world, or Freyja?"

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Freyja swung her basket of flowers freely, amusing herself as she did as a child, by circling the basket so fast that the blossoms didn't shift. She fairly skipped into her home, breaking into song as she set the flowers in a vase and went to her kitchen to get herself something to eat.

A moment in the corner of her eye made her heart jump and she gasped, turning.

"You!" Freyja explained, her moment of fright quickly turning to anger when she saw her half-brother standing in the shadows. "What are you doing here?"

"Where are your daughters?" Atum asked.

"Frey took them to Vanaheim to visit Skadi," Freyja replied, narrowing her eyes. "But answer me. You are not welcome here, so why-" She gasped, pressing her hands to her mouth as Atum stepped into the light. He was covered in blood! Dark bruises were all over his golden skin, and shallow cuts were across his throat. "What happened to you?"

"It does not matter. Do you expect company?"

"I assume that you wish nobody to know you are here. I did expect Frigga to visit with her little son, but I will tell her that I am not feeling well... And I've given the servants the day off, so you need not worry about discovery."

Atum's shoulders seemed to sag.

Freyja's brow furrowed as she stared at her brother, and then her eyes widened. There were _tears_ rolling down his cheeks, mixing with his golden blood. Anxiety twisted her gut. "Is Mother all right?"

"Gaea is fine."

"Then why are you here?"

Atum didn't reply. He strode forward so quickly it startled Freyja. His arms were around her before she could stop him. He pulled her in close, his massive shoulders shaking. His head hung, his brow falling to her shoulder despite that he was a good foot taller than she was. Freyja's brow furrowed deeper.

"You're getting blood all over my favourite dress!"

Atum released her. "I'm sorry."

"You never apologise," Freyja mumbled. "Atum, you're scaring me, what's wrong? What's happening?"

"I don't want to hurt you. I never meant to hurt Hnossa."

Freyja's heart stopped. "Is she-"

"She's fine," Atum reassured her. "I'm sorry, I don't want to frighten you."

"I don't suppose you can tell me what's going on?" Freyja waited a moment. "You can stay the night if you need to... Come, I'll draw up a bath for you to wash all that blood off."

Freyja led him up the stairs and into the guest quarters. He walked so slowly that she was afraid that he was injured more seriously than she had realised. She ran a hot bath, showed him where to find the soaps and towels, and told him that he was welcome to the kitchen if he needed food.

"Thank you, Freyja."

Freyja nodded, and then hesitated. "I've missed you."

Atum turned away.

Freyja's heart sank. She left him alone, wondering if it really was too late for reconciliation.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

The cuts were already healing, the bruises fading. Atum stared into the warm water he sat in. His blood had stained the suds of soap a pale yellow. He already felt filthy, disgusting. No better than the demons he fought so hard to drive from the universe. How could he hurt Freyja like this? His little sister. That baby that had slid from their mother amidst her screams of childbirth, who he had caught and held in her first moments of life. Who had always broken into a smile to see him, ran to his arms joyfully... Until he had stolen her first child's immortality, consigning her to death...

_**I still have hold over this world.**_

The cold voice of Chthon reverberated in his mind. He longed to shut him out, but to do so would result in the death of millions of innocents.

**_That's right. And if you do not reprimand your sister _****tonight****_, their lives are forfeit. Your choice, my son._**

What could he do? Atum buried his head in his hands and wept.

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"Well, this dress is completely ruined!" Freyja groused, looking at the vivid bloodstains on the white-and-blue lace. Perhaps the palace alchemists would have some sort of stain remover, although Freyja suspected that they were annoyed with the requests she made of such a nature. It was too late in the day to leave now, anyway; dusk was falling. She would have to go in the morning.

There was a knock on her bedroom door. Freyja pulled on a dressing robe and went to answer it. "Is everything all right?"

Atum had cleaned the blood from his skin, and his injuries were all but gone. His expression, though, was hollower than Freyja had ever seen. He wore only a towel knotted at his waist, but it was not so much less than what he usually wore. Freyja opened the door wider.

"Atum, what's wrong?"

He grabbed her suddenly, one massive arm wrapping around her waist, his other hand grabbing her head. He pulled her against his and pressed his lips against hers. Freyja's eyes widened in shock and her heart raced. She pushed against Atum, turning her head.

"What are you doing?" she gasped, twisting out of Atum's grasp.

His face was emotionless as he tore at her dressing robe, ripping the tie off.

"Stop!" Freyja wrapped the robe tight around her frame, backing away.

Atum grabbed her again, spinning her around, his hand clamping over her mouth as she opened it. Her scream was muffled. She scratched at the hand covering her mouth. His free hand yanked her robe off her shoulders, and then pinned her elbows against her sides when she tried to cover herself. Freyja's eyes were wide, her breathing rapid. She tried to tug her robe back into place, but Atum's hand slid under the fabric, circling her waist. She pushed at his arm. His grip only tightened.

_What is happening?_

Freyja's eyes filled with tears as she vainly tried to break free. Atum's breathing was rapid in her ear as he propelled her towards her bed.

_This isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real._

He tore off her robe as he threw her onto the bed. "Don't talk."

Freyja knew she was imagining the pleading tone of his voice. She wished she wasn't. How could he do this to her? _Why? _She attempted to get up but he caught her and threw her back down.

"Close your eyes."

Freyja covered her face with her hands, eyes squeezed tightly shut. _This. Is. Not. Real._

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Chthon's voice hissed in delight through Atum's mind. **_She's enjoying herself, the whore. Tell her! Tell her what a whore she is._**

_She is not a whore._

_**You agreed to follow my instructions. You wish this world to die after all?**_

Atum squeezed his eyes shut, his face buried in the pillows on Freyja's bed. He smelled the fear on her, felt how rigidly she was holding her pose, felt the sobs shaking her body. Enjoying herself? She could no more be "enjoying herself" than Atum was enjoying himself!

_**And you are enjoying yourself, or this would not be possible.**_

_No!_ Atum's breath was ragged, hating himself almost as much as he hated Chthon. _No, no, I don't want this. I don't want to hurt her-_

_**You are not hurting her, are you? Ask her if you don't believe me. Ask her if you're hurting her.**_

Atum knew he wouldn't be able to speak. He pressed his face harder into the pillows, letting his body's instinct do what it needed to do in order to sate Chthon's demands.

_**Tell her what a whore she is.**_

_Please._

_**Tell her! Tell her she's a dirty little whore! Now!**_

Atum sensed Chthon's fist clench on that innocent world. He turned his head. Freyja flinched away from him as his nose brushed her ear. "You're a dirty little whore." His voice came out dry and choked.

"I know."

The vacant, hollow sound of Freyja's voice almost broke him right there.

_**Don't stop.**_ Chthon warned.

_You are evil._

_**Of course I am. That was always my destiny, just as it is yours. You will come to embrace that, in time.**_

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It was as though Freyja could see them both, looking down from some distance. She was disconnected from her body... And then she realised that she was looking into the mirror above her bed. Tears streamed from her eyes. She felt so dirty! Almost as dirty as she had with Faraldar, dirtier than she had felt with the first Alchemist who promised a cure for Hnossa. Atum was her brother! She didn't want this! A sob ripped through her body the same time Atum's breath became grunts. He stopped.

He lay still on top of her for a moment, and then lifted himself off, laying beside her, exposing her body to the judging mirror. His face was still in the pillows. Freyja stared at herself. _This must be a nightmare. It must be._

She was afraid to move, afraid that it would start again if she did, but eventually closed her legs and lay them down. As she feared, Atum stirred. He propped himself up on his elbow. She cringed. If only he would look angry, hateful, something! Anything was better than that blankness in his eyes.

"When are your daughters returning?"

Her heart clenched. She shook her head emphatically. "No, please-"

"I will not touch them."

How could she believe him? But what would he do if she did not answer? If it was true that he was not going to molest them as well, would he change his mind to punish her? "Tomorrow," she whimpered.

Atum closed his eyes and breathed heavily. "Show me how you please your lovers."

Fighting back sobs, Freyja obeyed.

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Dawn. Atum stared numbly at the light creeping in from the window. His arm was around Freyja's waist, his hand flat against her stomach, her back pressed against his chest. She had long since stopped sobbing, but the hollowness of her expression, the way she meekly obeyed every order Chthon forced him to give, was far worse.

"You said you didn't want to hurt me."

"I don't."

"Then why?"

_**Do not tell her. Or it was all for naught, and this world dies.**_

_Aren't you satisfied yet?_

_**I suppose you can leave now.**_ Chthon laughed. **_You are so weak._**

Atum pulled away from Freyja, standing. He reached for the fallen towel.

"Are you going to kill me?" Freyja's voice was vacant.

Atum paused. "Do you want me to?"

"Yes." Freyja didn't move, staring out the window, her eyes unseeing. "But then who would watch after my daughters?"

Atum felt a lump rising in his throat. He wanted to fall to his knees and beg for her forgiveness. He wanted to weep and wail and die. He quickly wrapped the towel around his waist and left the room, going back to the guest quarters. He cleaned himself up, dressed, and opened a portal. He didn't care where it went to.

_**As promised, I will leave this world intact and unharmed.**_ Chthon purred. **_And when that wench of a woman, your mother, turns away from you, know that there is always a place for you by my side._**

_I will die first._

_**Perhaps. Or perhaps you will learn to admit that you enjoy making others suffer.**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Was it over, or was he going to come back? Freyja lay very still, listening to the songbirds sing in the garden, watching the sun creep over the distant mountains. If it was not for the coldness of her skin she could have convinced herself it was just a nightmare. But it hadn't been. It had been real.

_I can't let my daughters find me like this._

The thought was sluggish in her brain, but it made her move. She ran a bath to wash herself. She tried not to think, but everything was coming back to her in bright flashes of sense and colour. She felt wholly irreparable.

_Why?_

Freyja lowered herself into the steaming waters, reminding herself about her daughters, telling herself that for their sake she must not sink under the water and hold her breath until everything went black.

_Why did you do this to me?_

She washed herself quickly, then gathered up all the bedclothes and pillows and tied them in a giant knot. She would burn them all. She washed herself again, unable to stop the memories. She dressed in her most modest gown, made her bed, and then went downstairs to prepare for the girls' return. It was only when she had the dining room set, everything ready to eat, that she realised that it was at least seven hours until they returned from Vanaheim.

Her hands began trembling, her breath growing ragged, and she collapsed against the counter in the kitchen, sobs ripping though her.

"Why?" she cried aloud. "Why?"

Her whole body was rocked with sobs when she heard a noise behind her. She grabbed a knife and spun around, determined that _he would not touch her again_! But it wasn't Atum standing in the doorway. It was Gaea.

"Mother?"

The knife dropped from Freyja's hand. Gaea rushed forward, embracing her.

"What happened? I felt- I thought that you-"

Freyja clung to her mother, sobbing so hard that it hurt. Gaea half-carried her into the den, where they sat on the sofa. Gaea patiently rocked Freyja back and forth as she sobbed, singing softly. Eventually, Freyja calmed enough to hear it.

"What happened, baby?" Gaea asked quietly, brushing Freyja's limp hair back from her face. "I felt pure terror and horror from you and Atum both."

Freyja shuddered at the name. "He... He came here last night... I decided to let him stay, because he looked... but then..." she shivered violently, burying her face into Gaea's shoulder. "He... he _forced_ me."

Gaea went rigid. "What?"

"He took off my clothes and made me lie down and... all night." Freyja's sobs broke her voice again.

"Atum?"

"Maybe it wasn't him," Freyja babbled. "Maybe it was something else a... a demon or a shape shifter or maybe I just had a bad dream..."

Gaea rubbed her hand in small circles on Freyja's back. "Let me see."

Freyja shook her head. "No! No, I don't want to go through that again."

"I know. I know, baby. But it's the only way to know for sure. Just think of the beginning, stop it when you need to."

Freyja closed her eyes and nodded. Gaea gently placed her hands against Freyja's temples. The memory came back, as vivid as when she had first lived through it. Atum standing in her doorway, his expression hollow. His sudden grab at her. Freyja broke contact with her mother, bending over as the sick feeling of shame washed over her.

Gaea's face was utterly ashen. Freyja knew by the horror on her face that she had seen all she needed to in that memory.

"It was Atum. Every time he comes here, the innocent suffer." Freyja pressed her palms against her eyes. Was she among those innocent, or was she stained by sin? "Why does he hate me so much? Why would he do that? What did I do wrong?"

"No," Gaea said, fervently. "You did _nothing_ wrong, Freyja. This is _his_ sin, _his_ evil. It is not your fault. Don't ever think that this is because of something you did. A man has _no right_ to touch a woman when she does not want him. Look at me." Freyja looked up through watery eyes. Gaea smoothed her hair, her own eyes overflowing. "I don't know why he would do this, but it is not your fault!"

Freyja's voice worked on its own, quiet, dead, as she whispered. "But I... I had an orgasm, Mother. Every time."

"That means nothing!" Gaea shook her head. "It does not mean that you wanted it, or enjoyed it. And it doesn't mean that your body betrayed you. It means that your body reacted the way it had to in order to protect itself from being damaged. It means nothing more than that."

"Did you? When Chthon... When you conceived At-" She couldn't say his name.

Gaea pulled her daughter in close. "He made sure that I did. He used it as justification. But it wasn't, and isn't, and never will be."

Freyja sobbed in her mother's arms for a moment, and then pulled herself away. She dragged her palm across her eyes and stood, straightening her gown. "Frey and the girls will be back shortly, I need to make sure lunch is ready. Will you be staying?"

"Freyja."

Freyja looked at her mother.

"It's still five hours until noon."

"Oh. Oh, then I should take the cheese off the table, so it doesn't go bad... Why is there a knife on the floor?"

Freyja briskly picked up the knife and put it away. She headed to the dining room and began gathering up everything she had taken from the icebox. Gaea followed, helping silently. After Freyja had taken everything down, she nodded once.

"I should take care of that bedding, I'll have a fire in the garden. I don't want the girls to know." Freyja looked up at her mother, her blue eyes glazed with tears. "I don't want them to know. Or Frey. Or anybody. I don't want them to know. Don't tell anybody. Please."

Gaea nodded slowly.

"I think I should move," Freyja continued, practically running up the stairs to grab the bundle of bedclothes that stank of fear and sweat. "A new house, that will be nice. Once closer to the palace, maybe, not so far out of the city. Mother will you bring some lamp oil? It's in the cupboard over there. Yes, I should move. This house is too small for all the girls, anyway."

Freyja carried the bedding into the center of the garden, and dumped the lamp oil Gaea brought over it. She checked her pockets for matches. Gaea carefully lit two of her own fingers with a blue-tinged flame, and lit the blankets. She put her arm around Freyja's waist as they burst into flame.

"What if he comes back?" Freyja whispered as she watched the flames envelop the bedclothes. "What if he hurts the girls?"

Gaea said nothing.

"Why did he do it, Mother? I loved him so much, once..."

"The son I know would never do this," Gaea whispered back, sounding just as broken and heartsick as Freyja did. "I have no answers." She took a deep breath, wiping at the tears in her eyes. "Freyja, when was the last time you had a lover?"

Freyja's stomach churned. "How can you ask me that?"

"Please, it's important."

"Last night," Freyja's voice was bitter.

"No!" Gaea took Freyja's face in her hands. "No. Rape is not lovemaking. Do you understand?"

"No," Freyja whimpered. "No, I don't understand. I don't understand anything anymore. He said he didn't want to hurt me. And then... And then he did _that_!"

Freyja broke into sobs again.

"It's not your fault."

"Then why?"

"I don't know."

Freyja dug her knuckles into her eyes. "It's been almost six months. The triplets are still so young, they're a handful, and the older girls are going to parties and spending time with friends... I expect that Idunn's beau will be proposing soon-"

Gaea pressed her hand against her mouth, shaking her head. Her eyes overflowed with tears. A sob tore from her throat.

"Mother?" Freyja's voice was thin. She had never seen Gaea so distraught, and dread seized her. "Mother, are you all right?"

"You know that there are things that I just know when looking at a person."

Freyja nodded.

"You're sure it's been six months?"

"Mother, you're scaring me."

"Oh, Freyja!" Gaea put her arms around her daughter. "Oh, baby. You're pregnant."

Pregnant? But... but... that would mean that the baby... Atum. Strength deserted Freyja. She fell to the ground and retched.

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Atum found himself walking quite unexpectedly in a great stone building. Books lined every wall, from the floor up to the ceiling nearly three kilometers away. He stopped, his brow furrowing, as he looked around. How had he gotten here? He didn't remember deliberately heading towards the library of his brother.

Well, no matter. He was here now.

Thoth barely looked up from the scroll the he was cleaning when Atum walked into the cramped and cluttered workspace. He was bent over so far that his long, hooked nose nearly touched the page.

"What art thou doing here, brother?"

"Thoth, nobody talks like that."

"I doth."

Atum brushed aside some scrolls on a nearby bench and sat down. More than anything, he wanted to go back to Jotunheim, to have Farbauti hold him in her arms again, to wash away the memories of Freyja's tears. _I am a disgusting, evil creature._ He could never go back to Farbauti. Thinking about what Chthon had made him do to Freyja, and they hadn't talked to each other in nigh thirty years! What would he do to Farbauti, if he knew how much Atum cared for her?

"What doth thou want, Atum?" Thoth glanced up from his scroll and his thin eyebrows narrowed. "Art thou _crying_?"

Atum angrily brushed his palm across his cheek.

Thoth turned from his scrolls. "What hath happened? Is Mother-"

"Gaea is fine."

"Then why do you look so woeful?"

Thoth was an idiot, he didn't understand anything that he didn't read in his books. But perhaps that was why Atum found his way here. "I raped Freyja."

"What?"

"I raped Freyja."

"On purpose?"

Atum stared at him in disgust.

"There is no need for thou to look at me in such a manner," Thoth muttered, looking injured. He turned back to his scrolls. "The meaning of rape is not always clear in foresight, only hindsight."

"I knew exactly what I was doing."

"That does not sound like thou." A pause. "Who is Freyja?"

Atum bent over, resting his head in his hands, his elbows on his knees. "Our sister."

"Which one?"

"The only one that I ever truly cared about."

Atum squeezed his eyes tightly shut, trying to erase the image of Freyja's frightened, tearful eyes from his memory. The numb, empty look that had taken her halfway through the night came to his mind and he dug his palms into his eyes. If he ripped off his skin, would that stop him from feeling his body against hers? If he cut off his ears, would he forget her pleading, her sobs and whimpers?

"I want to die."

"That sounds pleasant."

"The only time I've tried to kill myself, Demogorge emerged."

"Perchance you should not attempt such a thing, then."

"You could. You have that power." Atum looked up.

Thoth was engrossed in his scroll. "I am busy now, come back later."

"I don't know why I bothered to come here," Atum growled, standing.

"Perchance, because I am the only of our siblings you have not attempted to murder." Thoth's head whipped around as Atum drew his golden sword. "What, are you going to break thy record?"

"You haven't listened to a word I said."

Thoth looked affronted. "Such a thing seems a trivial matter for fratricide, brother! But very well, if thou feel that thou must. Yet I beseech you not to fling blood on these precious parchments."

"I just asked you to kill me!"

Thoth blinked. "Forsooth?"

"Aye! Forsooth, verily, whatever you want!" Atum held the blade out to him. "You have it in your power, so do it!"

"Why?"

"I RAPED FREYJA!" Atum bellowed, causing Thoth to flinch. "DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS?"

"Verily, I know what rape is! But thou art many things, brother, and rapist is not amongst them. Perchance thou art wrong?"

Atum was very tempted to stab though his clueless brother, but he stopped himself. It would do no good. And after all the evil he had done of late, he could not add this pain to Gaea! He already would never be able to look her in the eye again. Shaking his head in disgust, Atum dropped the blade and stormed out of Thoth's library.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Gaea did not know what to think. She sat beside Freyja's bed as her daughter slept, singing and humming softly to keep away the nightmares. When the girls had returned from Vanaheim, Freyja had suggested that they all stay at Frey's house for a few days, while Gaea was there. Frey had been puzzled, but agreed.

Freyja had hardly crawled out of bed since.

How could Atum have done this to her? Why? Her eldest son may have been conceived by a monster, but he himself was not one! He had done terrible things, but never as himself, it was always Demogorge who had taken innocent lives. Atum protected the innocent. He did not harm them.

Gaea's voice cracked as she sang. She wanted to reach out her mind to Atum's, to ask him, to know what his thoughts were, but she couldn't bring herself to do so. What type of evil drove a man to rape his own sister?

"Is Modir all right?"

Gaea turned to see Hnossa enter with a tray of food. "She is not feeling well."

Hnossa set the tray down and joined Gaea. "She was fine when we left for Vanaheim."

"Ills can befall a person very suddenly." Tears welled in Gaea's eyes. "Hnossa, will you sit with your mother for a while? I must attend to some business. If she wakes before I return, tell her that I will be back soon."

Hnossa nodded. "Grandmother?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Is she going to be all right?"

Gaea kissed Hnossa's forehead. "I hope so."

She went to the garden to open a portal, calling on her connection to Atum to take her to where she needed to go. Bracing herself, she stepped through.

She found herself on a world that she had vague memories of. Towering mountains closed in on her at every side, with deep cliffs and snow-capped peaks. Atum was sitting on a bed of short grass some distance away, staring down at a village in the distance.

Gaea had never hated him before. Rage welled in her as she looked at him, sitting so serenely! She tried to swallow it back down. She needed to listen to him, to know why... Nothing could justify his actions. Gaea let her rage consume her. She rushed at Atum. He turned only soon enough to see her fists coming at him.

She pounded his head, his face. "_HOW COULD YOU?_"she screamed, sobbing. _"HOW COULD YOU?!"_

Atum started to push himself up, but stopped under Gaea's assault. He didn't make a sound. Gaea wondered if he even felt the blows raining down on him. Even after her hands were bruised and bloody, there wasn't a mark on him. Gaea fell sobbing to her knees. Atum wouldn't look at her.

"Why?" she whispered. "Why, Atum? Freyja still loved you."

He flinched, but did not speak.

"Tell me!"

Silence.

Her body shook with sobs. Atum's eyes stared at his hands. Eventually, Gaea pushed herself to her feet.

"I don't understand. You were never evil. But this... What you've done can never be undone! Atum, you... you disgust me. I never want to see you again."

Atum nodded, but still didn't speak.

Gaea looked down at her son for a long moment. She wiped at the streams coming from her eyes. There was nothing left to say. She turned her back on Atum and walked away without a backwards glance.

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Atum lowered his face in his hands after Gaea made a portal and stepped through. He could not blame her for hating him. He hated himself. In a way, it was a relief to know that he disgusted her so much. But that didn't stop the tears from flowing down his face. He looked up at the little village, one of many on the planet that he had hurt his sister to save. It was still peaceful and quiet.

_**I told you she would turn from you.**_

"I knew she would."

_**And yet you cling to her as a babe does to his mother's breast. What is it about the wench that stirs up so much affection? Did she not call you evil just now?**_

"What I did was evil."

_**My son, you have nothing left in that realm for you. Come, join me. Together, we will be unstoppable! I have freed you from that woman and your life of false good.**_ **_There is nothing that men like us can do that is not furthering evil._**

Atum began to laugh through his tears. Loud, harsh. The sky darkened, and a rumble ran through the mountains. "Freed me? No, Chthon. You do not realise what you have done. Now I have nothing left to protect from you. Now, I can do _anything_ I need to in order to destroy you!"

Atum continued to laugh, and he let his fire flare in him. He flung out his hand, opening a portal to a world he had long known to have traces of Chthonic power in it. He walked onto it in a blazing ball of glory. People stopped and shielded their faces, eyes wide as they stared at the fire as bright as the sun.

He sent an arc of flame from his palm to the nearest man. He vaporised instantly.

And the screaming began.

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Freyja dragged her eyes open to see two shining blue eyes staring at her over the side of the bed. She blinked, and the blue eyes blinked. Two small hands dug into the duvet and a small blond head bobbed up over the edge, followed by a small body. The little boy babbled proudly to himself, then reached out. He grabbed a handful of Freyja's hair and yanked hard.

"Am I dreaming?" Freyja murmured, untangling the small fingers from her unkempt hair. "No, you're the little prince."

She pushed herself up, and little Thor climbed onto her lap and babbled, reaching for her hair again.

"Thor?" Frigga poked her head into the room. She grimaced as she hurried in. "I'm sorry, Freyja. I turn around for a second and I don't know where he's gone!"

"It's all right." Freyja smiled at the baby. "He's a little troublemaker, is he?"

"That's one way to say it," Frigga sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I thought this would be easier. But with Thor, and this war with Jotunheim..."

"Life is never easy."

Frigga brushed Thor's golden hair from his forehead. "I just stopped by to see how you were doing. It's been almost a week since I last saw you."

Thor grabbed a handful of Freyja's hair and pulled.

"Thor, no!" Frigga reached to help Freyja detangle her hair, but Thor let out a high-pitched wail and knotted his fingers tighter.

Freyja didn't mind the pain in her scalp. It wasn't bad. "I am all right. I fear Frey is getting sick of me, though. I should return to my own home soon."

"I am sure he's happy to have you until this illness passes." Frigga pulled Thor into her own lap. The boy pinched her arm and kicked his feet, giggling.

"I'm not sick, Frigga."

Freyja imagined that she could feel Atum's child growing inside her. She imagined that it got bigger and bigger, her stomach stretching out until she was screaming and then she burst open, a little demon crawling from her insides with black eyes and a cold, dark laugh- She shivered, pressing her palms to her eyes.

"Freyja? Freyja, what's wrong?"

Freyja wiped at her eyes to make sure they weren't weeping. "Nothing I... I just..."

Frigga struggled to keep hold of Thor, who was reaching for Freyja's hair again.

"I'm just really sad right now. I don't know why." The lie was better than the truth. She couldn't tell Frigga. They were friends, but not that close. Freyja wasn't close enough to anybody to tell them the truth, to let them see how powerless she truly was. If Gaea hadn't come when she did, Freyja wasn't certain that she would have even told her. "I wish Ve was here."

She would have told him.

"The anniversary of his death is coming soon. You'll be able to talk to him then." Frigga hesitated. "I can speak with Odin, perhaps he will be willing to let you have more time than usual with him? After all, he's so busy with his generals..."

"I would like that," Freyja said softly. "Has a volunteer been chosen to host Ve yet?"

"Odin wishes to discuss that with you, when you feel up to it. He is favouring Tyr again, but Ander is willing."

Freyja sighed. "Let Odin know whatever decision he makes, I will choose the opposite. That is how it always works, is it not? I do not feel up to arguing with him right now. He is free to make the decision himself." She tickled Thor's foot, making the baby giggle. "He's a beautiful baby, Frigga. You must be very proud."

_The baby in my womb was conceived by a brother raping his sister. Its father was conceived by a brother raping his sister. If it is a boy, will he rape one of his sisters? If it is a girl, will she one day conceive after being raped?_

"Freyja?"

"I'm fine."

"Would you like me to let you get some rest?"

Freyja shook her head. "I do not want to be alone, Frigga. I don't really want to talk, either, though. I... I'm so tired." She pushed her hands to her eyes. She felt a small hand knot into her hair and yanked.

"Thor, stop!"

The baby laughed.

"I'm sorry, Freyja, he never listens to me."

Freyja rubbed her scalp. "I can watch him for a few hours every day if you want."

"Oh, no, not while you're feeling -"

"I want to. I think... I think having a baby around might do me some good." Freyja tapped the baby's nose. He grabbed her finger and bit it. "It might be nice, to get me out of my head."

"Are you sure? He's a handful."

"The girls can help me."

Relief and gratitude broke across Frigga's face. "Thank you."

Freyja managed a smile.

The door suddenly burst open and three muddy little girls came tearing into the room, shouting at each other. Thor clapped his hands. The triplets jumped onto the bed, smearing their mud everywhere. Freyja smiled at her girls as they all started talking at once.

They were safe and whole. Her daughters were her world. And they were unharmed. And that was how she knew that someday she would be alright again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Atum stepped through the blackened corpses, feeling nothing as he smelled the charred flesh and tasted the bitter smoke in the air. Chthon's power must be erased from the universe. Wholly and completely. There was no mercy for those who consorted with demons. They deserved none, and so received none.

His gaze shifted to the starry sky for a moment as he walked. Exhaustion ached though him. How many nights had it been since he slept?

_Eight_, he thought. _No, nine. I didn't sleep the night before I raped my sister._

Because monsters didn't sleep. They didn't need it. They prowled at all times, destroying everything they saw. Just like him.

The anger and loathing rose in his chest, and with a snarl, Atum threw out his hand to form a new portal. This world was freed from Chthon's influence. Time to find a new one.

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Freyja raised her face to the sun, enjoying its warmth, until she remembered that Atum was a sun-god. He could be hiding in that golden orb, watching her. It had been a month, and she thought she would never feel safe from him again. She pulled her wrap over her shoulders and dashed back inside Frey's house for a hat. She walked quickly to the palace, giving brisk greetings in exchange for ones offered to her. Why did it seem like only the men smiled at her?

The palace was cool and dark, and Freyja felt her tense shoulders relax ever so slightly. She inquired as to where to find Tyr, and quickly found him in his hall, pouring over maps with Odin, untouched food nearby.

"Lady Freyja?" Tyr and Odin both straightened, brows furrowed.

"I need to speak with you, Lord Tyr," Freyja said, and then gave Odin a pointed look. "Now. Alone."

"Now is not the time-" Odin started.

"Your war has been going on for nigh thirty years. All I require is ten minutes. My lord," Freyja added, attempting to calm her voice. "Give me that, since it is _you_ who sent my husband into the battle that took him from me."

Odin's face went white.

"Lady Freyja!" Tyr said sharply. "Such remarks are completely-"

Odin put a hand on Tyr's shoulder. "Ten minutes," he said, and walked swiftly out of the room.

Freyja waited until she was certain he was gone before looking back at Tyr. She suddenly became very aware of how much bigger and stronger he was than she. And they were alone. She swallowed down the bile rising in her throat.

"Well?" Tyr asked. "What was so important that you would use such a poisoned blade against the king, who lost a brother when you lost a husband?"

"You are going to be Ve's host in a few weeks, am I correct?"

Tyr's brow furrowed. "Yes."

Freyja hesitated, not entirely certain how to word her request. "This is a delicate matter."

Tyr waited.

"I want your permission to sleep with my husband while he is in your body."

Tyr's brows disappeared into his shaggy haircut. His jaw dropped. "I'm sorry?"

"Am I not being clear enough?"

"No, you are very clear, Lady," Tyr brushed his hair back from his face. "Your request has certainly taken me by surprise, though. I have been host for Ve before, and you have never asked such a thing."

"That is because I never considered it an option." Freyja clasped her hands. "I would, of course, need you to write permission so that Ve would be able to know for himself that you do not object, should you agree."

"I..." Tyr raised his hands in confusion. "I have never considered anything such as this."

"Of course," Freyja nodded tersely. "Very well. I just thought that I would ask-"

"I am not saying no, Lady Freyja. This has taken me by surprise and I will have to give it some thought. I will give you an answer before the time comes."

"Thank you," Freyja said, more gently than she had been speaking up to that point. "That is very much appreciated." She was silent for a moment. "Also, know that I am already with child, so I would not charge you with fatherhood for intimacy that you wouldn't remember."

She turned to go.

"Lady Freyja."

Freyja turned back.

"I..." Tyr walked forward, looking hesitant and almost shy.

Freyja's stomach twisted. He was going to ask for repayment for her request. And she would give it to him. How many nights would he want? It didn't matter. She _needed_ Ve's loving touch again.

"If you wanted to charge the child to me, I would not mind," Tyr said awkwardly. "I knew a woman last year and thought I was going to be a father... but it was not so."

"She had another man lined up, waiting to take the responsibility?"

"The child was stillborn. A girl."

Freyja's heart reached out to Tyr for his loss, but also found herself wondering. Perhaps, with Tyr claiming to be the child's father, she could give him the child? Hide her pain? But how would she explain to her other daughters why none of them had fathers? And why she was so willing to give away their youngest sibling?

"I'm afraid that does not seem wise, my Lord," she said softly.

Tyr's shoulders sagged, but he nodded. "Of course, my Lady."

"I hope that my answer will not negatively influence yours."

"I will let you know what I decide."

Freyja nodded. She left. She rushed back to Frey's house and immediately joined in with her youngest three daughters as they each made a messy painting.

"Mor, see this!" Snotra proudly held up a paper that had pink blobs on it with yellow streaked around them.

"That's beautiful, darling," Freyja replied. "Why don't you tell me the story?"

"Oh, Mor!" Snotra rolled her eyes impatiently. "This is you, this is Hnossa, and Idunn, Lofn, Var, Syn, Sjofn and me."

"Who is this? Grandmother?"

Snotra laughed. "No! She's too little, see? That's the new baby."

Freyja's heart froze. "What?"

"Our little sister," Snotra said with self-assurance.

"Did... Did Grandmother tell you that we were having another sister?"

"No, she did," Snotra replied. "Last night I dreamt about her and Da, and she told me she was coming, but that you were very sad and that I should be extra good... Why are you crying, Mor?"

Snotra's voice was alarmed. Freyja pulled her into her embrace and nuzzled her golden hair. "It's nothing, precious. I'm just a little tired is all. Your picture is beautiful."

Freyja wiped her face and smiled at her daughter. She looked at the picture again. She had told Tyr about her pregnancy. She hadn't told anybody else, not even Frey! She hadn't decided if she was going to let Atum's child grow in her womb. For a month, she had tried to make a decision one way or another.

But every time she thought she had decided to carry it, her repulsion for how it was conceived made her sick and she wanted to throw herself down a well. And when she thought she had decided that she would enlist her mother's help to get rid of the reminder of the event, she would look at her golden-haired girls and wonder if she would forever look at them and think there was a child missing from among them.

_Other women may choose what they will_, she thought, running her hands over her flat stomach. _And I choose this._

"I'm keeping you," she whispered, and a rush of determination gripped her. She would fight the universe for her children, no matter who their fathers were! "I am keeping you, and I will never let anybody hurt you!"

_And if he tries to take you from me, I'll kill him._

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Frey made his way home, hoping to enjoy his brief respite from the war. His sister's condition weighed heavily on his mind however. This pregnancy had had such a bad effect on her, far more so than any of her others. She had actually flinched away from him when he startled her, days ago. She was almost never willing to go out into the sunlight, and she would not tell him what was wrong... Frustrated with his inability to help, he planted his fist into a nearby wall, then jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Mother..." he sighed heavily. She took his injured hand between hers wordlessly. "I was just worrying about Freyja, and with everything else that's going on...I am not here to help as much as I should be... has her mood improved at all?"

"She is as well as can be expected." Gaea's voice was sad.

She healed his split knuckles, but kept her eyes on the ground. How could she ever tell him the reason for Freyja's condition? He would only go after Atum, and what purpose would that serve, save to cost her another child? Once, she would have been certain that Atum would never hurt Frey...but she would never have believed he would force himself on Freyja, either. Had she been a fool all along, to ever think Atum could be a being of Light, considering his origins? Tears pricked her eyes again. She was so tired of crying...

"Mother, what's wrong?" Frey asked, his voice thick with worry. "I know that there is something that you and Freyja are not telling me. The girls know, too. Hnossa is afraid to leave Freyja alone... and to be honest, so am I. I've never seen her like this, not even after Ve was killed. She flinches at sudden noises, and sometimes when she thinks I'm not looking she looks... empty."

Gaea embraced her son. "Be patient, Frey. Give her time. This pregnancy was unexpected and she is missing Ve terribly right now. And with this mess your stepmother has with your father, she's doubting herself..." _and the universe._

"I could help, if somebody would just tell me what's happened!" Frey exclaimed, frustrated. "I'm not a fragile, naive child."

"Freyja is going to be all right. You must believe that. But you must be patient."

"I feel helpless."

"I know. It will get better, in time."

"Will it?"

There was hardly a hesitation in Gaea's voice. "Yes."

Frey nodded, and they walked in silence back to his house. It really was too small for Freyja and her seven daughters, but he wasn't about to tell them to leave. He could never once recollect Freyja actually asking for his help before. He couldn't recall any time when she had asked anybody for help.

When they got to his house, he smiled to see that his sister and nieces were all sitting on the lawn, a blanket spread out beneath them, eating and chatting animatedly. The queen was with them with her young son, who was entertaining the triplets by throwing things at them. Idunn and Hnossa were in a deep, somewhat heated, debate as to whether a broadsword or spatha was the superior weapon.

"We decided to have a picnic," Freyja greeted them. "You want to join us?"

"Of course." Frey settled down next to her. She smiled and squeezed his hand.

Thor abandoned the triplets and crawled into Gaea's lap as she sat down on Freyja's other side. "It's good to see you outside, Freyja. And you, too, Frigga. I've heard that you suffered a bad depression after Thor's birth."

"Things weren't as I expected," Frigga replied, carefully, almost guardedly, Frey thought.

Gaea smiled, and gently handed Thor over to his mother. The baby made an annoyed noise, and then promptly wiggled away and went back to the triplets.

"How are you feeling?" Frey asked his twin.

Freyja smiled, and it wasn't as forced as it usually was. "I'm well today, thank you. I thought I'd take the girls to go get some new clothes. The triplets are starting to get a little ripe."

"I'll help you with that," Gaea volunteered.

"Thank you, Mother, but I think I'll be all right."

Normally, Freyja would have spoken with sarcasm, but she sounded completely serious. Frey frowned. What had happened to make his bold sister so nervous?

"I had best get back to the palace," Frigga said, getting to her knees and brushing crumbs off her hands. "Thank you for lunch, it was lovely. Thor. Thor! We're leaving, sweetheart."

The baby ignored her, and when she collected him, he screamed like a banshee and kicked wildly. Frigga struggled to keep a hold of him, and practically fled. Frey's brow furrowed deeper. Things were not right between the king and queen, though he would never have said so out loud. It seemed as though everybody in Asgard was hiding something.

"He's a real rascal, that prince," Freyja sighed, beginning to lie down but deciding not to. "Poor Frigga does not seem to know what to do with him, he gives her so much trouble. I do hope he grows up to be more like his mother than his father, though!"

"Freyja, don't you know that all boys end up like their fathers and all girls become their mothers?" Frey teased mildly.

Freyja and Gaea both winced, and Freyja's hands began to tremble. She quickly began putting things back into her basket.

"I think I'll go back inside."

Frey frowned in concern as Freyja dashed back into the house, like a horse bolting for shelter. He turned to Gaea, but she was wiping tears from her face and quickly followed. What had he said?

And it all suddenly clicked. How could he have been so _blind_? After hurriedly asking Hnossa and Idunn to keep the rest of the girls out of the house for a few minutes, he followed his sister and mother in. He found them in Freyja's room. Freyja was crying. Frey hesitated a moment before knocking on the doorframe.

"I'd like to be alone right now, Frey," Freyja said stiffly.

"I'm sorry, but I have to know..." Frey fumbled with the words for a moment. "Freyja, when the girls and I were on Vanaheim... were you..."

Freyja's eyes were red, the tears pouring from them almost too much to bear. Frey walked in cautiously, kneeling before her, taking her hands in his, and Gaea continued to comfort her.

"Freyja, were you raped?"

She didn't have to answer. The tears rolling down her cheeks were answer enough. Frey felt like the room was spinning. Anger rose like a black beast in his chest and his blue eyes lit with fire.

"Who? Who was it? I'll kill him."

Freyja shook her head. "I... It was... It was late, Frey. And dark. I don't know who it was."

Frey wished he had Atum's power. He'd hunt down the bastard who had hurt his sister and make him suffer. Slowly.

"The girls weren't there, though, they weren't hurt. That is what's important." Freyja took a deep breath. "That's what is important."

"Oh, Freyja." Frey's anger was short lived. A tear ran down his cheek. "Is that how you got pregnant?"

Freyja hesitated a moment before nodding. "Yes. But this is _my_ baby. _Mine_. Not his."

"If I ever find out who it was..." Frey hung his head, fighting back tears. His sister deserved a better life than the one she had! Why couldn't he protect her, the way a brother should?

"I don't want you to go looking for him, Frey. I don't want you to get hurt. Promise me!" Freyja's voice took on an urgency he had never heard before. "Promise me that you won't look for him."

It was the urgency that made Frey, for the first time in his life, lie to his dear twin sister. "I won't go looking for him. I promise."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Freyja stood waiting while Odin and Tyr talked quietly. It had been surprisingly easy to convince Odin not to have the usual fanfare of nobles waiting to extend their greeting to Ve before they were able to have private discussions. It had taken a lot of arguing to change their usual method of splitting Ve's short day between them.

After some time of waiting, Tyr left Odin and walked over to Freyja. The goddess braced herself. He hadn't talked to her since she made her request of him. He smiled briefly at her, and handed her a folded parchment. Freyja opened it.

_I, Tyr God of War, do hereby grant permission to Lord Ve and Lady Freyja to engage in whatever physical intimacies that they see fit during the duration of Lord Ve's possession of my body._

It was signed with a flourish. Tears filled Freyja's eyes.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Tyr nodded, looking slightly embarrassed. He opened his mouth, and then closed it again, clearing his throat.

"Lord Tyr, Lady Freyja," Odin called. "It is time."

Freyja and Tyr joined him. Freyja produced an amulet from her pocket, and pressed it to Tyr's chest, muttering the incantation that Gaea had taught her for this purpose. Tyr breathed deeply, his chin falling to his chest and his eyes closing. The amulet slowly absorbed into his chest, and when the eyes opened again, it was Ve who opened them.

Ve immediately wrapped his arms around Freyja and pulled her close. The tears were already falling from her eyes as she buried her face in his shoulder.

"Freyja."

"Ve."

Ve released her, looking into her eyes with concern and worry. Odin cleared his throat, and Ve turned and embraced him. Freyja wished that the king would just disappear or be suddenly called off on important business, though she knew it wasn't going to happen.

"Brother, it is good to see you again," Ve said.

"And you." Odin's voice was thick. "I have much to tell you."

Ve nodded, and looked back to Freyja. He looked torn. "There was something... but I don't remember..." his brow furrowed.

Even with Tyr's face, Freyja would never forget that expression. She smiled through her tears. "Odin and I have made an agreement on how to share your time here. Eleven hours first for him, and then thirteen for me. Go on, have fun talking about whatever it is men talk of. I'll meet you in our old quarters."

With Tyr's letter in her palm, Freyja embraced Ve again and quickly left before she could start arguing for more time and ruin what time she did have.

The rooms in which she waited brought back so many memories of happy times with her husband and eased the ache in Freyja's heart. She could count the surfaces on which they had not made love on one hand, and all of them had been moved in after Ve's death. Freyja ordered fresh fruits and flowers be brought, and carefully arranged everything. She then decided that perhaps she should have a change of clothing. She grabbed the huge hat she used to keep the sun off her face, but then set it down.

"I can't live in fear," she murmured to herself. "That only lets him win another victory."

Still, she shivered a bit as she walked to her house, and hesitated a long time before entering it. This was the first time since Atum's assault that she had been in the building alone. It was taking longer than she would have liked to arrange the purchase of a new home, and the sale of this one.

Her shivering increased as she walked up the stairs, half-expecting to be suddenly grabbed from behind. She tried to push aside the utter humiliation that welled up in her as she entered her bedroom. Bile rose in her throat as she looked at the room, and slowly sank to the floor as she remembered. Atum grabbing her, ripping off her robe, throwing her on the bed. Taking her the first time. It was all a blur after that, but as she sat shivering on her floor, vivid scenes came back to her.

Freyja pushed herself to her feet again. She set her jaw and ignored her reflected images. Her back unnaturally stiff, she marched to her wardrobe and flung it open. She wanted something suitable for Ve. She shifted through her gowns and then her nightgowns until she got to a blue satin piece that he had made for her birthday the year after Hnossa was born. Perfect.

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Atum let the witch think she had a chance of escape. He grinned as she lashed out at him with her staff, laughing as she whipped her head around to deck him with the large lead ring on the end of her braid. He grabbed the staff from her and spun it from her hands. She backed away, panting, her eyes wide as he cracked it over his knee.

"You have consorted with Chthon," he said, advancing.

"He would have killed my family if I had not done as he willed!"

She whipped her head around again, the ring clunking between Atum's eyes. He laughed, caught her braid, and set it on fire. She screamed as the flames enveloped her head.

"All those who obey Chthon's will must be purged." Atum felt savage satisfaction as he lifted the witch by her throat, flaming his hand. He brought it close to her face; the flesh bubbled, the acrid smell of burnt meat burst from sizzling blisters. She screamed, louder.

"Please!"

Atum snapped her neck, and tossed her burning corpse aside. He watched her eyes melt out of her face, and then turned his back.

"There is no mercy for demons or their servants," he shouted, knowing that the people would be pressed to their windows and doors, terrified to be discovered but unable to stop themselves from watching the spectacle. "You tell any others that you see; Any man, woman or child found to have been touched by Chthon's hand will be destroyed. If they subject themselves to me willingly, their death will be quick. Otherwise..."

He grinned as the flames behind him roared higher.

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Freyja paced, her eyes on the timepiece that hung over the mantle in the palace quarters that she and Ve once shared. Technically, they were still hers, but she rarely used them. There was no room for her daughters, although occasionally the older girls would stay in these rooms after a spat with their mother.

The door opened, and Ve, wearing Tyr's face, stepped in. A smile broke across Freyja's face and she ran into his arms. He held her tightly, and then pulled away.

"Something terrible happened."

Freyja nodded. "Yes. But I don't want to talk about it right now. Odin must have exhausted you."

"Not so much Odin as his little boy," Ve laughed. "Thor is as quick as lightning when it comes to getting into trouble!"

"And as loud as thunder when he doesn't get his own way," Freyja added. "But he is still only a baby. I'm sure he'll grow out of it in time."

Ve brushed her hair from her face. "You are so beautiful."

Warmth spread from Freyja's heart. "Nobody can ever say that like you."

"No, they all use the poetics and eloquence that you deserve."

Freyja rolled her eyes, and holding Ve's hand, led him back to where she had a light meal of fruits and vegetables ready. "Are you hungry?"

"Not really, but you know how much I love watching you eat."

"I'm not so hungry myself..." Freyja bit her lip, feeling suddenly shy and reserved. "Ve, I'm going to have another baby."

Ve smiled, though he looked sad. "You are determined to have your eight girls, are you?"

"I suppose."

"Have you thought of names?"

"Not yet. I'm only three months in."

"I like the name Sigyn." Ve furrowed his brow, as if struggling to remember something. "Freyja...about this child, how it was conceived..." He cursed, closing his eyes in frustration. "It's all a blur, I can't remember!"

Freyja shook her head, shuddering. "I don't want to discuss it, Ve. We only have a short time together..."

She turned away and picked up the letter Tyr had written. "Ve, there is something... I don't know if you will want to, but... I asked something of Tyr and he gave his consent."

She held the letter out to him, and Ve took it. He read it through twice and looked back up at Freyja, eyes wide. She twisted her hands nervously.

"I didn't think that this was possible..." he murmured, reading the letter again. "This isn't my body..."

"Which is why I made sure to get his permission," Freyja said fervently. "We don't have to, if it makes you uncomfortable."

Ve set the letter aside. He stepped close to Freyja and cupped her face with his hand. He kissed her and then buried his face into her neck.

"I've forgotten how good you smell," he murmured. "Freyja, I miss you so much!"

"I miss you," Freyja whispered back, letting her neck muscles relax to the side, an unspoken invitation.

He kissed her collarbone and her throat, and then her lips again. He gently pulled away and kissed her forehead and nose before returning to her lips for another passionate kiss, and then moving to her neck again.

"Is this alright with you?" Freyja murmured, wrapping her arms tight around his shoulders, digging her fingers into his hair. "I've never asked you- All the men I've betrayed you with-"

"Freyja, I love you. I want you to be happy."

"And I don't want to hurt you. It started with Hnossa's cure, but now..."

Ve stopped kissing her. He rested his forehead on hers. "You wouldn't have the girls if you didn't. Think about that, think about them. I'm not there for you anymore, I can't blame you for wanting the comfort of physical closeness. I know you, Freyja. It's the only closeness you'll allow yourself. And as flattering as it is that you cling to me, I wish you would let yourself find a good man and love him."

A tear ran down Freyja's cheek. "Do you think I'm a dirty little whore?"

"I would never think that of you, because you are not."

Freyja pushed herself up to her tiptoes, pressing her full length against Ve's, kissing him, pulling his head in towards hers, wanting more, needing more.

"Whoa, slow down," Ve murmured, pulling away fractionally. "We have the rest of the day." He knotted his hands in her hair and held her close. "Freyja, we need to talk."

"I don't want to talk."

"I can tell," Ve chuckled, but grew somber. "Please tell me what's wrong."

"I will," Freyja promised. "But first I want you and me, the way we used to be... well, as much as it can." She kissed him again, not needing to imagine Ve's face over Tyr's; she knew the man who held her was her husband. No-one ever kissed her the way he did. "Remember our wedding night?"

"How could I forget?" Ve chuckled, walking backwards towards their bed, pulling Freyja with him. "I was as nervous as a young colt, and you flipped me onto my back-"

Freyja laughed, and Ve kissed her throat. "That was Mother's advice. 'Get him on his back and ride him like a horse.' I acted much more confident than I felt."

"You don't like letting people see you vulnerable."

"I don't like to feel weak."

"You're anything but weak."

Freyja kissed Ve's neck and his jaw, and then began unbuttoning his shirt. Ve caught her mouth with his, running his hands over her waist, up to her shoulders and then down to her hips. He backed up into the bed and lost his balance. Together they fell in a tangled heap, letting out twin yelps from the unexpectedness of it.

Freyja laughed. "Same as ever!"

Ve swatted her bottom gently. "Still trying to get me on my back, huh?"

Freyja straddled him, undoing the last button on his shirt. As she pulled it off, he sat up, kissing her neck. The amulet in his chest glowed slightly. They kissed passionately, and then Freyja pulled away.

"Wait here," she murmured huskily. "I'll be back soon."

"I've heard that one before."

Freyja flashed him a smile before practically running into the bathing room. Her heart was pounding wildly, and she thought her smile would split her face. She hadn't been this excited in a long, long time! She stripped off her gown, slipping on the blue satin nightdress. She let her hair down, giddy with anticipation.

Ve had taken off his boots and socks and was sitting on the bed, waiting, when she emerged again. Freyja walked to the middle of the room, and twirled around, before walking slowly towards Ve, enjoying the way his eyes widened as they looked over her. She sat on the bed beside him, running her hand down his muscled chest – Tyr's muscled chest. Her happiness faded a moment. It was her husband's mind, but not his body. He would never hold her in _his_ arms again. It would always be someone else's arms around her...

"This feels strange," Ve murmured.

Freyja nodded.

"Are you sure this was what he meant?"

"This is what I requested. I did not mince words."

Ve laughed. "I don't think you're capable of mincing words, Freyja. You always say exactly what you want to."

"I don't always mean what I say, though."

Ve carded Tyr's fingers through her golden hair. "We don't have to."

"I know. But I _want_ to." Freyja leaned in to kiss him again. And once more she didn't have to imagine Ve's own face; the eyes she was looking into weren't blue, but they were Ve's; warm, loving, safe. She kissed him deeper, exploring his muscles with her fingers while he slid his hands under her nightdress.

"Did I give this one to you?"

Freyja nodded. "It's a little tight."

"No, it's not." His hands roamed. "It's perfect."

"You're perfect. Although," Freyja continued with a small, sexy grin, "I'm starting to wonder why I bothered to put this on at all."

"Because you remember how much I love taking it off."

With that, Ve slid his hands up her body, collecting the satin as he went. She pulled her hair to one side and stretched her neck, offering it to Ve's lips. He gratefully nibbled at it, sending shivers down her spine.

"I forgot how much I love it when you kiss my neck."

"I didn't," Ve murmured into her skin. He stopped suddenly, and looked at her with a frown. "This might be a... inapt question, but you have lovers... don't they...?"

"Some," Freyja replied, trying not to feel the shame of talking to her husband about her lovers. "Most are more concerned with their own pleasure."

"Freyja," Ve whispered, running his fingers through her hair. "You are worth so much more than that."

"No, I'm not."

"This is one time when you are wrong, my love. You deserve love."

Freyja rested her forehead against his. "You loved me. And look what I did to you."

"I've forgiven you. You need to forgive yourself."

Freyja closed her eyes. She breathed deeply, pulling herself even closer to Ve. She wanted him to be as close as she possibly could, but she knew that the physical closeness was not going to be enough... she could get that anywhere.

"Atum forced me," she whispered. "I hated him so long for what he did to Hnossa, but recently I thought maybe... maybe if I could only talk to him I could at least try to forgive him. I've missed him – the Atum I used to know – in my life. The brother who would listen to me no matter how stupid the words I spoke, the brother who taught me how to ride horseback, who gave me my first weapon..."

She shook with suppressed sobs. Ve gently pushed her to one side and retrieved her nightdress. She slid it back over her head, and cuddled against Ve's chest.

"The child?"

"Is mine," Freyja said fiercely. "She is mine, he has no claim on her!"

Ve kissed her forehead and said nothing.

"I thought that maybe we could be brother and sister again. I thought that he had come to my house because he was sorry – he said he was sorry. He said he didn't want to hurt me. I trusted him. I TRUSTED HIM!"

Freyja punched the headrest with all her strength. She pounded at the pillows, ripping at the blankets, a savage sort of pleasure rushing through her when she saw her knuckles were bleeding.

"I trusted him and he _raped_ me! He said he didn't want to hurt me and then he hurt me in the worse way he possibly could without hurting the girls! He did something to me that will never be undone, I'll have to live with the memories forever, and he _dared_ say that he didn't want to hurt me?" She couldn't hold it in. She threw back her head and screamed for all she was worth. When her lungs had run out of air, she collapsed onto the bed, weeping and sobbing. "The worst of it is when he came he was crying. I thought something terrible had happened. And all he wanted was to trick me, betray me..."

Ve slid down to lay beside her, rubbing her back gently. "My love, my love," he whispered, his voice breaking. "How I wish I could take this pain from you."

"Nobody can." Freyja sobbed. "My own home, my own brother... And I don't understand why. Why did he want to hurt me like that?"

"I..." Ve fell silent and kissed Freyja's palm. "You said that he was crying, and he said he didn't want to hurt you?"

"Yes."

"What did... Freyja, please do not be angry, I am trying to decipher this, Atum cared about you so much..."

Freyja peeked through her hair, confused. Ve's expression was worried and anxious.

"What was in his eyes when he forced you?"

"I don't remember," she whispered, shuddering. "He didn't want me to look at him."

"If he wanted to see you in pain, he would have made you look in his eyes."

"What are you saying? That he told the truth when he said he didn't want to hurt me?" Freyja pushed at him, disgusted by what he was saying. "He _raped_ me."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Freyja, but there is something..." he kneaded his forehead and cursed. "I tried so hard to remember, but I can't! There was something that I needed to tell you... something you needed to know..."

"No. My brother is dead forever to me. He is only Chthon's spawn now. Like father, like son."

Ve put his arms around her and kissed her. "I wish I could help more."

"Just hold me, Ve. That's all I need." Freyja put her arms around Ve, being as close as she possibly could to him. He put his arm under her head as a pillow. Together, they wept.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

"Lady Freyja?"

Freyja snuggled deeper into Ve's chest, her eyes closed. She didn't want to wake up; life was a nightmare, and her dreams were so sweet...

"Lady Freyja..."

She felt a hand on her shoulder, gently pushing her. She opened her eyes, and allowed herself to be moved back. She felt the amulet slide down from between her body and Ve's- Tyr's. Her heart sank as she realised that her time was up for one more year. Tyr gently detangled himself from Freyja's arms and legs, pushing himself up. Freyja sat as well, grabbing a pillow to cover the deep v-neck in her nightdress.

"He's gone again," she whispered, digging her palms into her eyes.

"Are you alright?" Tyr put his hand on Freyja's shoulder.

Freyja pulled away from him. "I'm fine."

She picked up the amulet and turned it over in her hands. It always hurt so much when Ve left again, but the ache in her heart was eased by the knowledge that he would be back again in a year.

Tyr swung off the bed and picked up his shirt. He pulled it on with his back to Freyja, and quickly buttoned it up. He turned back, his expression shy and hesitant. "My Lady, I hope this is not too forward of me, but did you and Ve...?"

"We didn't make love, if that is what you are asking."

Tyr looked uncomfortable. Men. Freyja shook her head as she stood. They'd have a woman the moment she bent over but as soon as a woman expressed the same desires as they did it was scandalous.

"Perhaps next year, then?"

Freyja frowned at Tyr. "What do you want in return?"

Tyr's brow furrowed. "I was friends with Ve, my Lady. I know how much he loved you. I am not looking for anything."

He bowed to her, and quickly left the room. Freyja stood very still for a long time, her brow furrowed as she stared at the space he had stood. She looked down at the amulet in her hand. She wished she had been able to talk more... She sank back to the bed, closing her eyes. Was Ve right? Did she deserve to be loved?

_"If he wanted to see you in pain, he would have made you look in his eyes."_

Freyja's heart felt like it was going to break. "I should have asked what you meant, what you thought, rather than getting so angry. I'm sorry."

There was only silence in reply. She moved to the table, and ate, alone and in the quiet, pretending that Ve was still with her.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Atum finished off another bottle of vodka and slumped down, feeling the alcohol wind its way into his brain. He detested the feeling and detested his dependence on the drink even more, but even he needed to sleep, and this was the only way he could. He had tried weaning himself off the stuff. What if Chthon or another enemy found him passed out drunk?

_Whatever they do cannot be worse than these confounded nightmares,_ he thought groggily, reaching for another bottle.

He wasn't sure when his dreams turned into a repeat of memory, but they did, every time he closed his eyes. Atum downed the bottle without stopping for breath. Maybe this time he wouldn't dream at all...

Her hair kept getting into his mouth. Freyja sobbed aloud, and Atum sucked in a breath filled with golden strands that stuck to his tongue as he forced himself to hold back his hatred and anger – of Chthon, of himself – he could not lose control and hurt her! Her tears fell onto his shoulder. He pulled her hair out of his mouth, pulling it off to one side. Freyja cried out, and then went limp. He put an arm around her shoulders to keep her from falling back onto the bed; he didn't want to see her face, didn't want to see the betrayal in her eyes.

"Isn't it enough?"

Atum sucked in another deep breath filled with her hair, and gently lowered her to the bed. She was still as limp as a broken puppet. She flinched when he touched her, covering her face with her hands. Atum sat back, hanging his own head in his hands.

_Is that enough?_

_**Not yet, I think. But you may give her a brief respite. It will make the next time more... penetrating.**_

"It's not over yet," Atum muttered, and Freyja recoiled from him as though he had been flailing his fists.

She would have preferred that, he thought, and so would he.

_**I did suggest giving her a little colour, but you refused. Perhaps you are changing your mind?**_

_Don't._

Chthon chuckled. Freyja's hands were still firmly over her face. Atum stood, picked up the discarded towel, and spread it over her. He went to her vanity dresser, picked up her brush and a tie.

_**What are you doing?**_

_Her hair keeps getting in my mouth._

_**So? Chop it off.**_

_No._

_**You are so weak. You are supposed to be taking your pleasure with her.**_

Atum returned to the bed. Freyja hadn't moved. He pulled her up. She let him without resistance, her arms moving to keep the towel covering her. She stared straight ahead with eyes so deep with trauma they looked empty. Atum sat behind her and began gently brushing her hair.

_**You derive pleasure from this act? How bizarre.**_

_Are you incapable of being silent?_

Freyja's pale body shivered, goosebumps rising along her arms, flinching every time Atum touched her. He continued to brush her hair until he had gotten most of the tangles out, and then shifting to his knees, he began to braid a crown around her head. She was so still and silent and pale! She could have been mistaken for a corpse.

_**You are such a woman.**_ Chthon's voice was scornful.

"You used to braid my hair when I was a little girl," Freyja whispered.

Atum's hands faltered. "Be quiet."

Freyja began rocking back and forth, her breathing rapid. Atum finished the braid and tied it off. He tucked the end in.

"You used to be so kind."

Atum's heart constricted.

_**It is time to start again.**_

"I trusted you more than anyone else in the nine realms."

Atum pushed himself to his feet. Freyja flinched, hunching over, her pale shoulders quivering.

"Stay here," he ordered. "I am coming back."

_**What are you doing?**_

Atum quickly strode into Freyja's personal bathing room and shut the door. He leaned against the wall, pressing his fists to his eyes. He longed to pound or break something, but didn't want to frighten Freyja more than she already was. He panted, fighting for mastery of his emotions. Was this a nightmare?

_**Get back in there and teach the whore her lesson.**_

"Don't make me do this, please," Atum whispered, hating himself for begging but unable to think about going back and hurting Freyja again.

_**I am not making you do anything. It is, and always has been, your choice. Go back in there, or this world dies.**_

"Please. Please, I will go away, I will stop fighting you."

_**That is not part of the terms I have outlined.**_

Atum dug his fists harder into his eyes.

_**I will give you until the count of three.**_

Atum forced himself to stand straight, and opened the door again. Freyja was no longer in the room. For a brief, shining second, Atum's heart lifted. She had escaped –

_**After her!**_ Chthon hissed, furious. **_AFTER HER!_**

Atum rushed through the room, out into the corridor. Freyja was running towards the stairs. The sun-god dashed after her. She reached the top of the stairs when Atum caught her. She shrieked, shaking her head.

"Please, please let me go, please. I won't tell, I promise."

_**If you had done as I told you, you wouldn't have this mess!**_

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I won't do it again, please let me go."

_**Make her scream.**_

"Please stop, please don't make me do this, please Atum, please. Brother, I'm sorry."

_**She is just like her mother.**_

"BE SILENT!" Atum roared.

Freyja went limp. Atum collapsed to the floor, cradling her close to his chest, knowing all attempts at comfort would be completely futile.

"Please don't shout," Freyja whispered. "You'll wake the girls, I don't want them to see... Please don't hurt them."

"Freyja, your daughters are on Vanaheim. They're safe."

"Vanaheim?"

Atum closed his eyes. He could practically taste Freyja's fear. "Vanaheim. I am not going to touch them."

_**You are not touching her in the proper manner, either. Get back to work.**_

To emphasize his point, Chthon let Atum see an infant sitting in a doorway. He showed the whole house; it was empty, the child's father sitting outside washing a dirty diaper.

Chthon nudged the house's foundations. It collapsed instantly. Atum's arms tightened. Freyja whimpered. The father abandoned his duties, rushing towards the fallen house, screaming his infant's name. There was an answering wail and the father threw aside two beams to find the baby crying, red-faced, but unharmed.

_**You are not finished with her yet.**_

_When I kill you, you will suffer first._

There was answering silence. Atum scooped Freyja into his arms, getting to his feet. Her head fell to his shoulder. She clutched the towel around her. He carried her back to the bed, and she didn't make a noise as he laid her down. Her expression was void of any flicker of life. Her blue eyes stared at him, but not with accusation. They were empty.

"Do it."

_**I told you she was enjoying herself.**_

No. Her blank expression, the pallor of her skin... she was attempting to find some sort of control, trying to make some sense of this...

"Do it," she murmured again. Her voice cracked, and a sliver of fear entered her empty eyes. "Get it over with."

_**You heard the whore.**_

"Close your eyes."

Freyja obeyed. And the nightmare started again.

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Frey walked slowly down the street, his expression tense and determined. A twinge of guilt surged in him for having lied to his mother and sister, but whoever had hurt Freyja _had_ to pay for it. There were very few other homes by Freyja's house. He made his way to the nearest one. Freyja may not have recognised her attacker, but surely someone had seen something that night!

He rang the door, and soon a woman with silver hair answered the door.

"Lord Frey," she greeted, frowning severely. "What brings you to my house?"

"Forgive me, Lady Agata, but I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions about an incident which occurred at my sister's house night four months ago?"

"An _incident_?" Agata sniffed."I have just returned from a voyage visiting my eldest son. My daughter Alti was staying in the house at the time, but I doubt she'll be of any use."

"Where can I find her?"

Agata opened the door. "Inside."

Frey entered the house, well aware he would have to watch his speech. Agata was one of the many who would blame Freyja for the attack, or even question it happened at all- If she wasn't such a whore, it wouldn't have happened. But she is a whore, why wouldn't she enjoy another man taking his pleasure of her?

Just thinking of what they would say made Frey want to draw his weapon and challenge every last one of them.

Agata led him into a large, ornate parlour, where Alti, Agata's daughter, was doing needlework.

"Lord Frey, what brings you here?"

"Something happened at his sister's house four months ago," Agata replied, sitting. "Mind your stitches!"

Frey glanced briefly at Agata before turning his attention to Alti. "Perhaps we can go somewhere to talk?"

"I won't have it," Agata said sharply. "Ask your questions here or do not ask them at all."

Frey ground his teeth. "Do you recall anything unusual happening around four months ago at my sister's residence?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary," Alti responded coolly. "Although..."

"Yes?"

"There was one night when I got up with the baby at midnight, I noticed that there was still a light on in her window." Frey frowned; Freyja had told him it was dark. "I may have heard her scream once or twice." Alti continued.

"Hardly unusual, from that house!" Agata interjected. "At least she has the decency to ship her daughters off while she engages in her sordid affairs! Those poor dears don't have a chance in the world to lead decent lives with a mother like that. They should have been taken away at birth."

Frey had to remind himself that striking a lady was always unjustified, unless provoked by fears of bodily harm.

"Not that you are doing any better with that wild thing of yours," Agata shot at Alti. "I swear, she's going to end up just like you! This is what you get from marrying a _Norn_, Alti."

"Mother, Sif does not even walk yet."

"You are too soft on her."

Alti visibly had to hold herself back from replying. She turned back to Frey. "The next morning I saw her burning something in her garden. I haven't seen her since."

"Did you see anybody that you haven't before?"

"No. Although there was the shadow of a rather large man in her window, briefly." Alti sniffed in the perfect imitation of her mother. "She could have at least had the decency of lowering her shade! We do not need to see her _transactions_."

Frey bit his tongue hard and left without another word. He didn't care what the two women thought of him. He went to the other houses, but they could tell him even less. Eventually he retreated to a tavern to mull over his problem. Freyja had lied to him. Obviously she knew her attacker, and it must be someone dangerous, or she would have told him. Although "the shadow of a large man" could mean half the soldiers in Asgard!

He rested his head in his hands, sighing. They could march into battle at any moment; Odin and his generals were always cloistered away in the war rooms these days. There _had_ to be more that he could do to track down the man who had hurt Freyja!

He just didn't know what.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

"Honestly, Mother, I don't want anything from them," Idunn protested, wandering aimlessly through the displays of jewelry in the shop owned by the dwarfish brothers Brokk and Eitri.

"They're the finest jewelers in the nine realms," Freyja protested. "You need the best for your wedding. I can't believe my baby is all grown up and getting married."

"Modir, please!" Idunn rolled her eyes. "I'm not a baby, and we all know why you favour Brokk," she lowered her voice and patted Freyja's swelling belly. "But you're already pregnant."

"Idunn!"

"I say what I must." Idunn kissed Freyja's cheek. "I'll go wait outside for you."

Freyja sighed and shook her head, continuing to wander through the aisles. It wasn't long after Idunn left that Brokk approached her.

"Your second oldest is marrying?"

Freyja nodded.

"You are looking for jewels, then?"

"I was. Idunn does not want any of these, however. I believe that she is going to borrow some from my stepmother."

Brokk frowned. "Your daughters do not like me."

"No, they don't."

"Did you tell them of the agreement that you and I had?"

Freyja raised her brows. "That is why they don't like you."

Brokk's frown deepened. "I told you at the beginning that I would not be saddled with offspring."

"And I have never once wanted to go back on that deal," Freyja replied coolly. "But my daughters are not me, Brokk."

"I see." Brokk looked troubled. "But I also see that you have found another mate to sire your children."

Freyja ran her hands along her rapidly swelling belly. "I told you from the start that we would couple at my pleasure, not yours. And you certainly have no claim to being the only man I can take at my pleasure."

"You missed our last... appointment."

Freyja's brow furrowed. "Did I?"

Brokk nodded. "From past experience, your pregnancies have increased our times together. Have you found a man who lays claim on you every night now?"

"Jealousy is very unattractive in a man, Brokk," Freyja replied coolly. "At the moment, I need a man who is more patient than you are."

"What does that mean?"

"Exactly what I said," Freyja shot back. "This pregnancy has had a different effect on my body than my previous ones. I need tenderness, gentleness. A slow touch."

Brokk's brow furrowed. "I can be tender."

Freyja shook her head. "You'll have to make do with your other lovers."

"Very well." Brokk plucked a simple, elegant necklace from a nearby stand. "A wedding gift for Idunn."

Freyja accepted it, though she was certain that Idunn would not. "I have to go."

She left the shop quickly, and wandered the stalls until she found Idunn. She had been joined by her fiancé, Bragi, and the two were giggling together. She slipped the necklace into her pocket. She would wrap it as a present from herself. Bragi nodded a respectful greeting when Freyja drew near.

"I can see that my attempts to get this wedding planned are for naught today," Freyja said, smiling at her daughter. "Go on, I'll just get some fruit for dinner. Will you be joining us, Bragi?"

Bragi nodded. "I would be delighted to, Lady Freyja."

"Good. Off you two go, then. Don't do anything I would do."

"Mother!" Idunn and Bragi both flushed, but Idunn kissed Freyja's cheek and the young couple quickly made their way out of the crowd.

Freyja sighed when she was alone, but quickly straightened her shoulders. It had been six months, and she was getting better. It was hard still, though, and there were still days when she would not get out of bed, others when she would spend the night weeping, and still others when she pretended so hard that nothing was wrong that everything grated on her.

She gathered the fruit that she needed, and then headed back to Frey's. She walked slowly, forcing herself to look at the flowers blooming around her, rather than keep glancing nervously at the sky.

"Lady Freyja!"

Freyja turned at the call of her name, and saw Tyr jogging to join her. He bowed slightly. "May I walk with you?"

"Of course."

Tyr went to take the basket of fruit, and Freyja pulled it away, shaking her head.

"I am not that fragile, my lord."

"Of course not," Tyr agreed. "I was merely trying to be polite."

"I believe the polite thing to do would be to ask the lady if she required assistance, not assume that she did." Freyja laughed, so that Tyr would know she was jesting.

"I think that the lady does not require assistance after all," Tyr replied.

Freyja shrugged. "Frey tells me that the soldiers are leaving tomorrow for a final assault on the Jotünns attacking Midgard?"

Tyr nodded. "Your mother will be relieved, will she not?"

"Yes, she is very relieved."

"She will be returning to Midgard soon, then?"

"Perhaps." Freyja hesitated as she peeked at Tyr from the corner of her eye. He was a well-built man, strong and powerful, with a kind face, if not particularly handsome. And Ve always thought well of him... But was it too soon? Did she really want this again, after what Atum did to her? It had only been six months! "Lord Tyr..."

"Yes, my Lady?"

"It used to be the custom that warriors required a warm bed the night before battle."

Tyr's brows rose. He looked a little uncertain, and said nothing.

"Would you like to spend the night with me?"

"I..." Tyr's glance went down to her belly. "You are with child."

"I am aware." Freyja bit her lip. "I am not made of glass, being pregnant just requires a little bit more patience and ingenuity."

Tyr walked in silence for a moment. "My lady, Ve was one of my dearest friends."

"I know," Freyja replied softly. "And that is why... It's always most difficult, the first time after I've spoken with Ve. I thought, maybe with someone who loved him as well, it would be easier."

"Does he know?"

"Yes. I tell him everything. He loves my girls, though he's never met them. When Idunn was a little girl, she asked if she could refer to Ve as her Da, and I asked him, and he was so happy that she wanted him as her father..." Freyja wiped tears from her eyes. "He helped me name them all."

Tyr took her hand in his. "He loved you very much."

"And I love him. But the needs of the flesh are the needs of the flesh."

"Perhaps you could join me for dinner?"

"I can't, Bragi will be eating with us." Freyja frowned. She always kept a barrier between her daughters and her lovers, but perhaps with Tyr, it could be different?

No.

Tyr stopped, and brought her knuckles to his lips. "Lady, you are very beautiful... but I am not certain."

"Whatever you are comfortable with," Freyja agreed. "But I would like a yes or a no."

Tyr thought for a moment, and then nodded. "Where would you like to meet?"

"Your house," Freyja replied. "Before dark."

Tyr nodded. "I will expect you, then."

Freyja smiled, and they turned the conversation to trivial matters as they continued to walk. Frey and Gaea were sitting on the front porch, and Tyr stopped at the path's entrance, kissing Freyja's knuckles again before taking his leave.

"You look like you've got a rendezvous planned," Gaea mentioned when Freyja got closer.

"I do. It's time. And Tyr is a good man... Ve always spoke highly of him."

Frey frowned, and stood. "I think I will go have a talk with him."

"Frey!" Freyja exclaimed. "What are you doing? You don't have to start being overprotective."

"Maybe I do," Frey responded, and started off after Tyr.

Freyja frowned and sat beside her mother. "I will be all right, won't I?"

"Tyr is an honourable man, as far as I can tell. But I thought the same thing of your father, and look what a wretch he is."

"Njord is just a fool, not a villain."

Gaea nodded. She put her arm around her daughter and held her close. "Be patient with yourself, Freyja... don't expect it to be like it has always been before."

Freyja frowned, and said nothing.

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Tyr's house was a one-storey building with a domed roof, a kitchen, a bedroom, a bathing room, and a parlour. It was elegantly but modestly decorated, and the furniture in the parlour was of the old sort. A low fire flickered in the hearth, and the windows were shuttered. Tyr and Freyja sat cuddled on a chaise lounge near the fire. He was leaning against the back, she was in his lap with his arms around her, leaning against his chest. She cupped his face as they kissed, a soft sigh escaping her lips. She had done her hair up so that it wouldn't get in the way, and had put on a sleeveless dress that tied in the front, and he wore a comfortable buttoned shirt and a pair of trousers.

"Frey talked to me shortly after I left you," Tyr murmured, placing kisses on her jaw and nose, his fingers gently rubbing up and down her bare arm.

"I'm sorry, he's never done that before." Freyja kissed Tyr's Adam's apple, and slid her hand into his tunic. "What did he say?"

"That if I hurt you, he'll kill me." Tyr pulled away slightly so he could start unbuttoning his shirt.

Freyja helped him, and pressed her pale hand against his taut, sculpted muscles. She leaned in for another kiss, his hand cupping the back of her head. Their lips touched, pulled back, and touched again. Tyr pressed a little harder. Freyja closed her eyes, slipping her tongue out to trace the line of his mouth. He pulled her in a little tighter, sliding his tongue under hers.

She wrapped her arm around his back, tracing his shoulder blade with her fingers while he put his hand on her waist, rubbing her lower back and then moving up to her bare shoulder and back down, a little lower than where he started.

"Your skin is so soft."

Tyr kissed her neck, right at the jawbone, sending shivers down her spine. She tilted her head to indicate that she liked it, and he kissed her again, nibbling this time. She hummed in satisfaction, running her hand over his shoulder to push his shirt off. He obliged, leaning forward, still kissing her neck. She tossed the shirt to the floor and cuddled closer to him, running her fingers through her hair.

"You're allowed to touch me, you know," she muttered huskily, putting her hand over his and guiding it to her breast.

Tyr kissed her lips again, massaging her tongue with his, and traced the lace on her bodice. Freyja moaned into his mouth, and felt his lips curl upwards against hers.

"Do you want to go to the bedroom now?" he asked.

Freyja shook her head, kissing his jaw and throat. "By the fire."

"I'll get a blanket."

He eased himself out from under her, kissing her gently again, and left the room. With a sigh, Freyja settled herself back, running her hands over her enlarged stomach. She had been right about one thing. She did not feel so guilty as she usually did after her one-day visit with Ve. Tyr was a good man, she was certain that Ve would approve.

"And Mother doesn't know everything, either," she murmured, and instantly wished that she hadn't. Thinking of her mother's words made her think of Atum- she had managed to push him to the back of her mind.

Freyja pushed out a shaky breath, and pressed her fingers to her temples. This wasn't what Atum did to her. She _wanted_ this, it wasn't just her body responding to touch. She liked the way Tyr kissed her. Gentle at times, more passionate at others.

Tyr came back into the room and spread a thick woven blanket in front of the hearth, and then stoked the fire. He reclined on the blanket and with a smile gestured for her to join him. Freyja stood, unlacing the bodice of her dress. Tyr watched her fingers' movement, and then the fabric of the dress as it slid down her body into the floor, revealing her in her saffron slip. "I take it you approve."

"You are beautiful."

Freyja knelt next to him. He slid his hands onto the small of her back, rubbing down to her knees, back up around her waist, then up to her shoulders, kissing her deeply. He pulled her close, shifting to the side to accommodate her large belly, running his hands down her body again. A shiver ran down Freyja's spine, but it wasn't entirely pleasant this time. Trying to push it aside, Freyja reached for Tyr's belt. Tyr responded with a growl of pleasure, pushing himself up to his knees. Clothes were shed, and then he locked his hands behind her head, pulling her in close, his tongue in her mouth.

A stab of panic made Freyja push away from him, twisting her head to break their kiss.

"Freyja?" Tyr's brow furrowed. "Are you alright?"

Freyja covered herself up. "We're moving too fast."

"All right." Tyr sat back, adverting his eyes, dressing again. "Do you want-"

"I need to go home," Freyja said, bolting for her dress. She yanked it on so fast that the lace caught and tore. Her shoulders were tense as she hurried to lace it up.

Tyr fastened his shirt. "Did I do something wrong?"

"I need to go home." Freyja finished dressing, fighting in vain against her tears.

Tyr looked in alarm at her, and touched her shoulder. She flinched away from him.

"Freyja, are you alright?"

"No. I need to go home."

"I'll walk you."

Tyr pulled on his shirt and buttoned it. Both he and Freyja put on their shoes, and started walking in silence back to Frey's house. Freyja cried the whole time. Gaea had been wrong. She was embarrassed, she felt so, so foolish for thinking that she could ever go back after what had happened. Would she ever be able to share herself with another person?

"I hope that..." Tyr trailed off as they got close to Frey's house. "I hope that this will not make things awkward between us."

Freyja wiped her face. "I was going to say the same. I..." She couldn't tell Tyr about Atum's attack, could she? "I hope that, eventually... but it's hard."

Tyr nodded. "Perhaps being with someone who knew Ve as well is not as helpful as you thought it would be."

"It's just with the war, and Ve, and the baby," Freyja cradled her belly. "I'm afraid this is all too much all at once."

Tyr stopped on the porch, and brought Freyja's knuckles to his lips. "Goodnight, Lady."

"Tyr?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

Tyr kissed her cheek. "Perhaps, when I return we can try again?"

Freyja managed a smile. "I would like that."

She turned into the house, watching from the doorway as Tyr walked back into the night. With a sigh, she closed the door and went to find Gaea. She was sitting in the dining room, pressing her fingers to pieces of fruit to freeze them. She squeezed Freyja's hand as she sat down.

"You were right." Freyja rested her head on her arms. "Am I ever going to be able to feel pleasure again, or did he steal that from me?"

Gaea sighed. "Freyja, I am not certain how I managed to learn how to cope with what Chthon did to me. I still have nightmares, and I get so scared... There are times when I cannot bear to be near any man, not even my own sons, because I can't stop those memories. For the most part, I am able to set it aside and function, but that is not always the case."

Freyja stared at her mother. "You are saying that I will never heal?"

"You are not me. I am sorry that I cannot help you more, sweetheart. I have made myself forget many things. But I am certain that regaining control of myself, knowing that I could have pleasure because _I_ _wanted_ it, was an important step." Gaea stood and pressed a kiss to Freyja's forehead. "I must go to sleep now. Good-night."

Freyja smiled briefly. "Good-night, Mother."

She sat at the table as Gaea left, gazing at the frozen slices of fruit. She held her head in her hands. Why had Atum done what he had done? She remembered the tears rolling down his face when he first was there, the emptiness in his eyes as he held her down, the sound of his voice as he told her to close her eyes, his silence in between orders. What had it meant? What had he been feeling? What was it that he had wanted from her?

"Modir?"

Freyja looked up to see Hnossa walking in. She smiled at her eldest daughter. "You should be sleeping."

"I thought that you would still be with Tyr," Hnossa slid into the chair that Gaea had been sitting in. "What happened?"

"I changed my mind." Freyja fluffed Hnossa's hair and sighed. "It must be a terrible burden to have me as a mother."

"Oh, Mor!" Hnossa shook her head. "I don't care what people say. You are my mother, I love you, and that will never change. We're a family. You, me, the other girls, Uncle Frey, Grandmother. We don't need anybody else."

Freyja smiled. "No, we don't."

Hnossa smiled, but it was short lived. "There are others that do need family, though."

Freyja's brow furrowed.

"Skadi asked me to come to Vanaheim, to live there. She and Njord have such a mess going on between them..." Hnossa's face darkened. "Aunt Gully sides with Njord. Skadi needs somebody with her."

"You're leaving?" Freyja asked, her shoulders tensing.

"I haven't decided yet. With Idunn's wedding and the new baby, things are really crazy right now. But I am considering it. I like Vanaheim, Asgard is too..."

"Golden?"

Hnossa nodded. "Don't cry, Modir. With the bifrost you can visit anytime."

"But what about your treatments?"

"I can take treatments on Vanaheim. I'm sorry, I should not have brought it up so late at night. But I just could never find time during the day."

Freyja clasped her daughter's hand. "I just want all my girls to be safe and happy."

"We are, Mor, we are." Hnossa stood and kissed her cheek. "Don't stay up too late. You need your rest."

Freyja smiled, but sat for a while longer at the table before retreating to her room. She lay in the quiet dark for a long time, thinking about what Gaea had said, before adjusting the pillows around her, reaching down. She thought of her times with Ve, and slowly the stress in her body was replaced by a different tension entirely.

"This is _my_ body," she whispered to herself as she relaxed, feeling triumphant. "_Mine_."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

Atum sat cross-legged in the centre of the town square, cleaning the blood off his sword. The bodies scattered around the square were beginning to ripen in the light he threw off, but he ignored the smell. They were all Chthon-collaborators, anyway. He would allow the villagers to bury their dead in the manner they saw fit, though, as a warning for others not to follow that path.

There were rapid footsteps approaching, and Atum looked up. He saw an older man approaching, his eyes wide, looking at his slain comrades with horror. He was dragging a young woman with him, who looked even more terrified.

"My lord," the man fell to his knees, dragging the woman with him. "Please forgive us for whatever we have done."

Atum stared at him coldly.

"Take my daughter as recompense-" The man shoved the young woman forward. She fell across a dead body and shrieked.

Atum stood, very slowly, and looked down at the trembling man. His gaze shifted to the woman. She was clearly terrified, shaking, tears already streaming down her face. Atum's anger grew hot, and he raised his hand, blasting the man.

The woman screamed and shrank back as her father was consumed by flame. She cowered as Atum approached her, flinching as he pulled her to her feet.

"Go home," he ordered.

The woman stared at him for a moment, and then ran as fast as she could. Atum kicked the smouldering remains of her father. His work here was done. Time to move on.

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"Why do we have to move, Mor?" Sjofn complained, packing the last of her dolls into a small box.

"Because this house is too small for us." Freyja leaned over and pressed a kiss to her daughter's head. "You'll love the new house, baby, you'll have a whole room to yourself."

"But that means I'll be all alone."

"You'll get used to it. Now get your dresses into your chest, I'll take your dolls out to the wagon."

Freyja picked up the box, attempting not to groan as her baby started kicking her again. This one was active, that was for certain! She didn't remember any of her daughters kicking so much, not even the triplets.

"Mother, you shouldn't be carrying around heavy things," Idunn scolded as Freyja made her way down the stairs. Her second oldest took the box from her.

"I'm not made of glass, darling, you've been around long enough to know that."

"Yes, Mor, you're as strong as an ox. You're also as wide as one." Idunn hefted the box. "Is Sjofn taking the garden path?"

Freyja laughed, and picked up a smaller box of linens, which she carried out to the wagon, where Gaea and Hnossa were packing things securely. Freyja handed her mother the box she was holding, and then leaned against the wagon side, rubbing her ribs.

"Hnossa, Idunn, I think we've got room for a couple of the dining room chairs," Gaea said. "Why don't you two run and get them?" The girls nodded. Gaea stepped out of the wagon and put her arm around Freyja. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine."

"You could have waited for Frey to return to begin moving."

Freyja bit her lip as anxiety for her twin twisted her gut. "Do you know what is happening? They've been gone for nearly a week!"

"Frey is unharmed, that is all that I know."

"I would ask Frigga if she knows anything, but I haven't seen her for so long! With Odin gone, she has to run the court and ensure the soldiers receive supplies. And Alti's young Heimdall stands at the bifrost and says nothing to anyone except the few generals Odin left behind." Freyja fell into silence. They had not received word of whether the battle on Midgard was going well or ill for the Aesir. And while Gaea could tell her if Frey was unharmed, she had no such news for Tyr.

_I promised myself that I would never worry so for a man again,_ Freyja thought with a frown. _We are not even lovers!_ Her head turned as she heard shouting in Agata's house, and she sighed. What had Alti done to upset her mother so much this time?

"Have you sold this house yet?" Gaea asked, frowning at the house next door.

"Not yet, although there have been several offers. Alti and Austmadr looked at it briefly, but can you imagine what Alti's mother would say if they bought it?" Freyja pitched her voice high and nasaly. "Bad enough that you marry a _Norn _but now to live in that whore-house! What do you want your daughter to grow up to be, you stupid child?"

"Yes, well, Agata is going to have difficulties growing her gardens for several years," Gaea replied pleasantly.

"Mother!" Freyja laughed. "You are supposed to be good and kind, not deal out petty vengeance."

Gaea shrugged, and fluffed Freyja's hair. "Your hair is turning so red."

"Women's hair sometimes changes colour during pregnancy," Freyja muttered. She was well aware that her golden hair had turned to fire at the roots. She had first noticed it two months ago when she looked into her mirror and thought her head was bleeding along the part in her hair. "It had better change back."

Gaea kissed her forehead. "You are beautiful no matter what colour your hair is."

"I know that I'm beautiful. But when I see my hair red... I think... is it because... Atum."

"Oh, Freyja. I did not consider that."

Hnossa and Idunn came back out, each carrying a heavy oak chair. Freyja helped the best she could to lift them up into the wagon, and Gaea tied them securely.

"That's good for now." Gaea hopped down from the wagon. "Freyja, why don't you stay here and help the little girls finish packing while Hnossa, Idunn and I go take these to the new house?"

Freyja nodded in agreement, but waited on the porch while she watched them drive off. She gently stroked the doorframe. She had moved into this house after Var, her third daughter, was born and it became apparent that her quarters in the palace would no longer suit her needs. It made her sad to give it up, but at the same time she never felt safe in its walls anymore. The new house was close enough to the palace that the girls would be able to play in Frigga's gardens, and it was large enough that each of them would have their own room, with an extra for guests.

Freyja was brought out of her thoughts by the sound of a slamming door. She turned to see Alti storming away from Agata's house, her little girl squirming and whining in her arms.

"Alti?" Freyja hurried along the path to intercept the older woman. "Are you all right?"

"I am fine," Alti snapped back.

Freyja quite nearly replied with a biting remark, but swallowed it back. "Would you like to come in for a cup of tea?"

"No, thank you. Perhaps some other time."

Alti continued on her way, and Freyja returned to the house. Var was trying to convince the triplets that they couldn't take the frogs from the pond with them. They all continued to pack, but after several hours Gaea, Idunn and Hnossa still hadn't returned.

"What is taking them so long?" Freyja murmured. "All right, girls, we're going to walk to the new house. It's not that far, don't give me those looks!"

Freyja shut the door, and took Syn's hand, Var holding Sjofn's, and Lofn holding Snotra's. They walked along, chatting animatedly, the triplets breaking into the occasional song and kicking stones down the streets. They were about halfway to the new house when Hnossa came upon them, walking. Her eyes were red, her expression in a state of shock.

"What happened?" Freyja asked, her heart thundering. "Is Frey-"

Hnossa shook her head. "Grandmother said that he's fine. But Idunn received a message. Bragi has been injured. They've brought him back, and she's gone to the healing rooms but there's no news on how bad it is."

Freyja transferred Syn's hand to Hnossa. "Girls, I want you all to go to the new house and help Grandmother."

"Is Bragi dead?" Snotra whined, tears starting to pool in her eyes.

"I'm sure he's fine," Lofn reassured her.

The three older girls began taking the triplets away, and Freyja hurried to the palace. She made her way to the Healing Rooms. They were full of soldiers in varying states of injury. Freyja scanned the crowd for Idunn's golden hair, and, finding her, she quickly joined her.

Idunn was kneeling on the floor, crying and smiling, holding the hand of a young man with a terrible black burn over his face. Freyja's heart dropped as she got nearer. It was Bragi. The burn at first looked horrifying, but Freyja knew that the Healers had enough skill that he would recover with only a hint of a scar. But both of his legs had been severed above the knee.

"Freyja!"

Freyja turned to see Eir, the most skilled healer in Asgard. "Eir, my daughter's fiancé-"

"He'll live," Eir reassured her. "But you should not be here in your condition! You could pick up an infection or illness. Go home. If you want news, send Var or Lofn, or your mother."

Freyja nodded numbly. "Tell Idunn that I was here?"

"I'll tell her. Now go!" Eir turned Freyja around and propelled her away.

Freyja walked back through the crowd, seeing for the first time the pained faces around her. Thirty years this war had been waging. Thirty long, terrified years...

"Freyja?"

Tyr stepped into Freyja's path. A rush of relief washed over her, but she held herself back.

"Lord Tyr. You're injured."

His arm was bound in a sling, but otherwise looked unhurt. He brushed off his injury. "Is your brother-"

Freyja shook her head. Tears started to flow down her face. Tyr put his uninjured arm around her, and escorted her out of the room. When they were alone, he turned to her and cupped her face with his hand.

"What happened?"

"Bragi. Idunn's betrothed. He's lost both his legs." The words sounded hollow in her ears. "He's alive, though. That's what matters. He's alive."

She looked up into Tyr's brown eyes and couldn't stop herself. She threw herself into his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck, knotting her fingers into his hair, crushing her lips against his. He flinched back as she collided with his arm.

"Sorry!" she cried, pulling back. "I'm sorry."

Tyr didn't respond with words. He pulled his injured arm out of the way, and clutched Freyja around the waist. She drew his lips back to hers, and they kissed fiercely. Freyja pushed Tyr against the wall, and he giggled into her mouth as her rounded belly pressed against his stomach. He responded by gripping her more tightly, kissing her more fiercely.

Eventually Freyja pulled away. "I have to get home to my daughters."

Tyr nodded breathlessly. "I will be meeting with the generals for the rest of the day, but-"

"I'll meet you at your house after the triplets are put to bed."

She kissed him hard once more, and then quickly left. She did not linger on Tyr long, her mind almost instantly going to Idunn and Bragi and what she would tell her other daughters.

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Frey trudged up the long slope beside Odin as they walked towards the temple at the top of the hill. From the information they had received by the defeated Jotünns, this was where the Casket of Winters was being held. Frey didn't let himself dwell on the question of why they hadn't brought the casket to battle. They hadn't, and they had been beaten.

Frey stared at the weapon as he and the king entered the temple. It was over. It was actually over!

"Get the casket," Odin ordered.

Frey nodded once, and went to the casket. Suddenly, a baby started to cry. Frey's head turned. Odin went to investigate. When the blond god turned back, Odin's back was turned to him. The king hefted Gungnir and prodded something Frey couldn't see. There was a cry of pain, and Odin stepped back. Frey dropped the casket and drew his sword, running forward to aid the king.

To his surprise, a small Jotünn child with fire-hair darted past the king. Frey dropped his sword and caught the girl. She scratched at his face, and with a grunt, he pinned her arms to her sides. The girl kicked and snarled, twisting so fast that Frey was afraid he was going to hurt her. The struggle came to a stop when the reverberating stamp of Gungnir shook the temple.

"Who are you?" Odin demanded.

"I am Angrboda, firstborn daughter of Laufey King of Jotunheim. I demand that you release me at once!"

_Laufey's daughter_? "Your father has lost his war, little one," Frey told her. "Your demands are useless."

"What is this baby doing here in the cold, Angrboda, firstborn daughter of Laufey?" Odin stepped forward. With a bloody socket and a single eye left, he made for an intimidating figure. The girl shrunk against Frey.

"He is the firstborn son of Laufey, king of Jotunheim, and Farbauti his slave."

Odin brushed the girl's fiery hair with the tip of his spear. "You look half-fire-demon, girl. Who is your mother?"

Angrboda attempted to free herself, but Frey held her fast.

"I have no need of any mother!" she cried defiantly.

"Apparently this baby does not either, seeing as he was left here to die."

Angrboda was silent.

Odin stepped forward. "I have never met a fire demon, Angrboda of Jotunheim, that I have let live."

The girl responded instantly. She threw her head back into Frey's breastplate. He heard her skull crack and released her so she would not injure herself. She stumbled for a second, disoriented, and ran as fast as she could.

Frey shook his head. "You did not have to frighten her, my Lord."

"Her father killed my brother, it is fortunate for her that I did not leave her an orphan," Odin replied coldly, and then looked at the baby in his arms. He had fallen asleep. "You will tell no-one what you have seen here. Firstborn son of Laufey. He will be useful, in the future..."

Frey's brow furrowed, but he was too exhausted to question the king. Anything was better for the infant than being left in this cold world to die, wasn't it?


End file.
